having seaweed rub against u when ur swimming in the ocean is like having satan slowly caress ur legs and toes while smiling creepily at u and whispering “mayonnaise”
I feel so uncomfortable
this is one of the funniest things i’ve ever read
- Me: Mom...Dad. I've decided to live on my own from now on.
- Parents: Ok, cool.
- Me: Your luggage is outside
in all my years i have never finished a pencil
so nice when u can be quiet with someone without it being awkward
Do you ever just see the first sentence of a text message and just think “oh fuck no I do not have time for this shit”